Today is National Suicide Prevention Day. What better way to celebrate my birthday thatnremembering that it got better and worse and better again. I have written about my struggle in a past Face of Gay article that you can check out here.
It seems the Universe is clearing things for me to live a very different life and although, I know that things are always working out for me; I am human and change sometimes hurts. There are many external factors in my life that have proven challenging for me to focus away from. This caused me to really challenge my feeling of worthiness. It got to the point this week that even in my Mastermind group with two of the most understanding ladies I know, I felt as if I didn’t belong there. I wasn’t good enough to be with them. My energy was bringing them down.
It is funny how the mind of contention works. Its only goal is to remind us how separate we are, how much better or worse we are, and how worthy or unworthy we are.
The big difference between who I am now and who I was when I wanted to commit suicide is that I know that in the end everything is working out for me. I don’t know how and I don’t necessarily know what, but it is working out. I make it a point to tell people when I am upset or down. I don’t tell people that I am “fine” if I am not. You never know when a phone call will change everything and people tend to call me more if I tell them that I need them to.
I also find that it is important to be easier with myself. Things don’t change overnight and I am a human being with feelings and insecurities just like everyone else. It doesn’t matter how much I “know” what the right things are if I am not putting them into practice. It is also important to note that even when they aren’t working the way that I think they should don’t mean that it is “bad”. It is ok to cry as long as you know that soon you will smile again. It is ok to hurt as long as you know that there will be joy. It is when we lose site of the positive where things get messy.
The “Most Interesting Man in the World” from the Dos Equis commercials says it best, “Stay curious, my friend.” That is what life is about, staying curious. Curious about what is next, what new, how it can be better, how does that flower smell, how does that food taste, or how can we help more people? The more time you spend being in service of others, the less time you have to worry about your life.
There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help. I am very fortunate to have a great support system around me, you may or may not. Call a friend, call family, or call a hotline. You do not have to go through this alone.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1 (800) 273-8255
Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Just remember, this can be a great start to your origin story. Don’t make it your final chapter. The only one that can change your life is you.
You Are Loved!
JP Adkins is an active member of the Spiritual Life Center, self-publishing expert and creator of TrueAwesome.com a site that has everything you need to fuel your awesome life! Celebrated artist and graphic designer, he gets pleasure in finding ways to make life more beautiful for himself and those around him. His dream is to travel the country writing inspirational stories and leading meditations wherever he goes. He believes too many times we allow ourselves to quit trying because we tell ourselves we don’t know how, we don’t have the money, and we aren’t good enough. He wants to inspire others to take the inspired action required to design their lives. Ways you can help -Subscribe to his blog and join The Designed Team to help motivate and inspire each other.